...i had to draw her a diagram of her own vagina. including a little arrow to the clitoris. shouldn't it be the other way around?!?
i just found an uncooked ramen noodle in my underwear
Guy having heart attack in McDonalds. Classic.
I just remember making out with this kid's friend, washing blood off my hands and hearing the RA's were looking for me.
Valentines day isn't about being a couple in love..... It's about chocolate and faking orgasms.
Also, I'm going to yoga because I have a Taylor Swift range of emotions right now.
I'm trying to seductively eat these M&M's to let her know its on
Oooo. Can we pretend to be Amanda Bynes?
She bought wigs like Disney princesses. I want to be her.
Well ill be drunk so just come find me. Its like where in the world is Joey San Diego
Do you think I'm short enough to dress up in a ghost costume and go trick or treating and have people believe that I'm actually a child?
I told him I wanted to fuck him and he hasn't texted me back in 4 days...am I missing something
So the door man at the local dispensary started giving me motivational talks about my beard...
She said "Im going to hug you" tried to give me a hickey then said her life sucks and started to cry.
Somehow my life has turned in to drug deals at the bar, and illegally camping on a mountain because I have no where else to live.
I think I broke my dick but 10/10 would definitely do it again.
Randomize
