mustard is like jesus in yellow tights
Come over? It's my birthday
How many times has that text failed you tonight?
Michelle Duggar likes to fuuuuck
Just passed a strip club with a Marquis sign that said 'tis the squeezin'
I somehow fell asleep on my kitchen counter using the microwave as a pillow
I'm going to start giving girls scratch off lottery tickets when they leave my place in the am. That way they have a chance of not regretting the night before
There are apples in the microwave and a cup of twigs in the fridge. I think she's hiding in the pantry, I can hear her giggling. Leaving her to it.
I could really do without pictures of your asses in my inbox. That said, I'm extremely jealous that I wasn't involved.
just had sex on top of a camper looking at the stars, BEAT THAT.
Then me, her, and her mom snorted tequila. The bartender was in shock.
I'm texting an actual stripper. A male stripper. I dont wanna talk about it yet
Def over. He sent me a nude selfie but cropped it right above his junk. Total Silence of the Fucking lambs looking.
ever since I turned 21 the mother-daughter bonding sessions always end with whiskey and my little pony. I don't know why, it's just a thing that happens
Thinking about licking your asshole. And hugs and stuff too I guess.
I miss you and I miss your weed. Come home.
Randomize
