Drunk in a bar in Texas. The 24 y/o hottie I am chatting up just called me a male cougar. I am dealing with this whole turning 40 thing juuuust fine.
we are driving next to a guy driving and masturbating while looking at a naked magazine. I love LA
are any of them hardcore sluts...just absolute worthless human beings? if not the paper wins
you were saying "i am the vodka queen!" and then in a different voice replying to yourself "all hail the vodka queen! you are so beautiful!"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She drove all the way from Austin to have sex with me. I think it's a safe assumption my dick will have an easy life in college.
I think my uterus is still laying in your bed somewhere under the covers.
Seriously? We dated for 2 weeks. TWO. And I've crushed his soul and put out the light in his dark world? What the actual fuck.
Yeah, well. That's what you get for dating a musician.
New reason to drink: alcohol makes soda taste like goddamn gold.
idk man, I was fucked up and eating fried rice at the grocery store, tried to wave at her but she just looked concerned at me.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I've spent so much time on tinder lately I just tried to left swipe an instagram photo of my neighbor
There was one thing about my NYC trip I forgot to tell you: I took a dump in Trump Tower
God specifically crafted these hands to deal out orgasms.
It's become almost a Pavlovian response. The sound of the vacuum being run by hubby causes an instantaneous involuntary orgasm.
wait. i have to tell u something. and it has nothing to do with dildos or spiders
How was I supposed to know the accent was fake before i slept with him
Randomize