oh so you have enough money for the third eye blind concert but not enough for the morning after pill?
are you sure you're not interested? he's the dunkin donuts employee of the month.
i had to take my roommates dildo out of her suitcase so I could use it
the suitcase or the dildo?
The only thing the cop asked me is..... "how are you still alive"?
and my loofah got caught on my nipple ring in the shower today. what an awful experience.
What a whore. She reminds me of that asian guy who can eat all the hotdogs.
and then you started talkingabout how you wish birth control was disspensed as a candy necklace
James this is colleen. This is my new number. You just texted my grandma about getting cockblocked. Congratulations.
It's just unfortunate. She's a 28 year old woman who looks as if a pelican and ET had a baby. With braces.
His dick looks just like him, taller than average, thick, and somehow always angry.
Realistically you can't tell me you're gonna put mashed potatoes on your dick and expect me not to get excited
He drunk texted me what I think is two snails fucking on a mushroom. Is "you sick bastard" too mild a rejection?
He's ruined me. Do you know how frustrating it is to know I'll never find another guy as tall and handsome and rich with as big of lips & booty, and cock as him who also rims and takes me on tropical vacations and buys me all the cocaine.
When you wear a dress that resembles the shape and color of Kirby to a wedding, you get the attention you deserve.
I don't suppose you have a recipe for a cocktail made of bitter resignation, regretting everything, poor life descisions and deep-seated self-loathing?