dude facebook disabled my account because im registered under a false identity. now in order to get it back, i have to prove that it's really my name. i sent them an email and had to sign it "Cordially, Lloyd Pancakes"
I thouht it was time to go to sleep and suddenly I was front row on brokeback mountain
Take one last look at my face, because I'm drinking it off tonight.
I don't think I can fit "I'm sorry for ruining Christmas" on one cake. Better make two.
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all i know is that each time we woke up we were at a different chinese restaurant. help.
Well, I just watched him puke into his pitcher at the bar, I doubt he cares about anything other than the fact that he needs a new beer.
Let's just cut to the chase. I'm not interested in anything romantic but I aAM interested in Tom Petty and maybe getting high and fucking you again for old times sake.
Just drug him and when he wakes up be like "you just woke up from a coma, we've been married for the past five years." It'll be like the Vow but fucked up.
He actually offered up a silent prayer thanking God for my "tremendous ass." You tell me how my night is going.
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Just saw the bridesmaid use her new sister in law as a stripper pole
I think I passed out drunk at my own jewelry party
Help me help you realize you are a moron
In other news, I just sneezed and almost shit myself. What is happening to my life??
Look, he's a hot korean guy with a motorcycle and a great ass. I'm gonna do head-titingly kinky shit with him.
Just a little drinking. So much fun and love. The world is a shiny wonderful sphere in the sky so why shouldn't we celebrate?