He left the bathroom door open so i would hear him masturbate in the shower to make me feel guilty for not putting out but it just turned me on cause i like guys masturbating. weird?
so this guy comes in from the patio covered in puke and says "we gotta go"...Yup u need to go is an understatement
It's going to be great. They guy at the store said 3 shots and you won't be able to feel your face or stop smiling.
She said her first boyfreind was so small she is still technically a virgin.
New York to be Host to America’s Biggest Singles Event
That sucks. I just talked to a telemarketer for 15 minutes about CSI: Miami and weed.
apparently i told her i wouldn't press charges if she brought me food.
dude you cant keep breaking into my house just to raid my fridge.. especially at 3AM.
I guess since this is supposed to be my year of the lesbian it's okay
Got robbed by knifepoint. Then got sympathy Bj. I might have to walk down Austin ave drunk every weekend
Kylie Jenner Wasn’t in the Kardashian X-Mas Cards & the Internet is Losing it
I just horrified a large group of people. Congrats on dating me.
Hey, i turned the toilet into a water fountain. Drink up.
I have a cat, a bottle of wine, and a Brazilian man. I need to catch you up on my life
In my dream, you became a famous tap-dancer. Congratulations.
Hahahaha yep. You were picking up the credit card machine and singing to it in Spanish.
At least your vagina gets to vagina again. Dust that thing off.