i actually looked down at my cock today and said "whoa buddy, you need a haircut....(grimace) and a shower"
After I made out with her she fell asleep and started pooting in her sleep. Are we sure lesbians are hot? Cause that wasn't.
Apparently i was the first person to introduce her to her clitoris. Needless to say...they hit it off great
I looked up to you, until I saw her walk out of your room.
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Found her in the closet eating mayo out of the jar with a knife
Nothing says happy baby shower like showing up still kinda drunk from last night with an open tall boy in one hand and fries in the other.
As i was blowing him Silent Night came on his iTunes. I said "it isn't christmas" and he moans "yeah it is."
Ah. Hot spring. Infinitely less skeevy than a hot tub. These North Carolinian dudes are all class.
Monday funday. I brushed my teeth with antibacterial soap. hangover I did not have.
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He tried to introduce me to one of his friends that kept looking at me and I said "OH NO! I can't do this shit anymore!!" It was like I had a vision of what drunk me would've done in about 20 minutes.
I'm not sure how long my penis is exactly, but I will tell you it resembles a bendy straw
I just have to decide what I love more, food or dick.
2015 is the year I FINALLY ALMOST had enough dick to satisfy me.
Seriously my new passion in life is the girth of his penis
I discovered moonshine and fell in love.
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