I swear to god he was trying to crawl under my door last night muttering "I'm Alex Mac! I'm Alex Mac!"
Housing came buy and confiscated our shopping cart :(
How do i tell my boyfriend " I'm taking the two weeks im in Europe to fuck my way across 9 countries" in a way where we will still be together?
The stoned girl at the dining hall just handed me a single chicken wing and insisted that she's "unable to procure more rations"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My going away gift was all of them dancing around with solo cups on their dick and balls...these are my friends
he busted into the room with single cheese slices and started yelling "THROW SOME CHEESE ON THAT BITCH"
He referred to our sex as being similar to "Two cheetahs cage fighting" and I have to agree.
I saw that you sent me a photo and the first thing out of my mouth was "I swear if it's another photo of a dick poking out of a bubble bath"
...You tried to use your wallet to call her after you gave your cell phone to the cab driver as a "peace offering"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i think we watched the dark knight rises after you left but i might have passed out through most of it. I remember crying at the end though. sad tears then happy tears.
i just woke with half a bagel saran wrapped to my phone and a cookie in an envelope beside my head...
Omg drank too much. Threw up in my Santa hat on the train and then of course it leaked all over me.
If you're with any of them tell them i apologize for (insert whatever i did here)
Getting a lap dance from a girl you went to high school with really isn't as awkward as you'd think
And she called me out by name, nothing could have made it more awkward but it ended up not being that bad
Nothing ruins your day more than waking up to you dogs crotch in your face
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