judging by the pasta sauce and dirty pans i spent my blackout being emeril
Well, if they're both my boyfriend.. Then i cheated on both of them.
work has become about six times more interesting since i started fucking my boss.
to instagram or to not instagram the picture i took of when i shit in the urinal
Gonna open a taco bell in colorado. Millions bro.
Did I really drink that whole bottle of Jack Daniels last night?
Heroically.
my cockatiel has aquired a taste for beer. I should not be allowed to own exotic pets.
My head is just one big fuzz right now.. Its like someone replaced my brain with a teddy bear
I think I'm destined to be the stoner version of one of those successful but emotionally unavailable characters Sandra Bullock always plays in movies
Just tried to do a line with a snorkel I cut off... that is how my Aruba trip is going!
Did you poop on the roof?
WTH?
Is that a no?
kick those bitches in the teeth and tell them mama came to party
I'm gonna have to start putting baby wipes and a change of pants in my bag. The amount of times I'm scared of shitting my pants in public is too high and I need the reassurance
We already gave up cheese, how are we supposed to give up coke?
Who did he bring home?
Idk. But did you see her shoe choice by the stairs, I'm really not expecting anything great.
Randomize
