You're completely useless in the revolution.
Last night I fell down in the street (I think in someone's vomit), cut my knee up, lost my moms necklace and my license, and had to walk back to the hotel.
just when i thought things couldnt get worse, the batteries died in my vibrator.
That shot tasted like Sant Claus came in my mouth. I love the holidays.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
it must be christmas time, i've got a hankering to give a virgin a baby....
We just got really drunk and bought toilet paper. Successful Monday.
I totally need to blow more fat guys. His cum tasted like vanilla ice cream
Thanks for convincing the hot dog guy to give me one for $1 after I drunkenly dropped the first one. I loved your reasoning "I know you mark that shit up! I work in retail!"
You kept telling me how warm your bag of vomit was and asked me if i wanted to feel.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
There's still flour in my hair. And I don't even want to know what the neighbors think happened infront of my house.
If a vagina could give out awards, you should be preparing an acceptance speech.
God gave me a talent besides one night stands. I feel like I should use it
Forced to cancel my booty call due to the snowpocalypse. This crosses the line.
Thanks for having me over last night. Sorry I licked rum off your kitchen floor.
My mom just used the chap stick I used right after giving him a blow job. I am a horrible daughter :(
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