My penis looks like a roll of pennies
Oh. Ok. I get the hint.
Like a roll of pennies where the paper got wet & then dried all wrinkly and weird...
The woman at walgreens tried to sell me clearance condoms with my fake eyelashes. Does it look like I get laid?
HOW DID U BEAT A GAY GUY IN GAY CHICKEN?
gave myself the "you're a really good girlfriend" talk on the way to where i intentionally cheated on him. i am my own drunken therapist.
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Emergency need house key where r u I just got shit o n
I would have thought, as two of my best friends, you girls could have cought me as I fell out of the shower. There are so many bruises.
His kisses tasted like beef jerky and captain morgan. I'm pretty sure I came before he even took my clothes off.
Make sure your heart doesn't explode. These are words of wisdom.
Even jesus won't love me after tonight. I'm going hard.
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Absolute soulmates or functional alcoholics?
Can't be the first without the last
Listen to me plotting my whoredom.
And what in gods fuck were you drinking. It tasted like windex with a mixture of juce
I wrote a list of things I enjoy doing. So far it says "get high and go to museums."
I don't even think NICOLE made a fool of herself last night...
your aware she lit herself on fire, right?
Is it bad form to puke out of a dorm window to avoid looking bad in front of the people in your room?
How about from a sixth floor window?
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