I feel like royalty, that girl from last night had a vajazzled vag. Bucket list complete.
James and whatshisface bought me drunks. I am drinks.
I maybe late, he's in a peeing contest with the neighbor's dog. Currently he's in the lead.
It was the textbook our-balls-touched-while-engaged-in-a-threesome-with-our-bosses-wife conversation.
It amazes and alarms me I'm not shocked to read that.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Dunno yet. Probably just gonna play the s.t.d. russian roulette game with random bartenders at the beach again. Same 'ol same 'ol
it was fucking weird. cops showed up but they appreciated our 3 story bong. and then some girl tried to steal our cheese and butter
want me to make you a grilled cheese? I can't guarantee it'll be as good as yours but i'll go down on you afterwards if you want
brb printing out this text and putting it on my bedroom wall
I need an adult. someone more adult than my current state
Doing a small happy dance cause my cocaine successfully went through airport security
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My girlfriend is talking to my ex-boyfriend at the bar right now. I REPEAT, GIRLFRIEND IS TALKING TO EX BOYFRIEND RIGHT NOW. GET ME THE FUCK OUT OF THIS PLAACE
That awkward moment when you are on your way to ICU and the only sympathy gift you can think of is beer and whiskey
Listen here, Ms. "I'm Gonna Get Super Drunk and Run From My Friends Screaming That They Were Going to Drag Her to a Scientology Recruitment Camp"...
Did you fill my inhaler with tequila?
Yeah, so?
Came out of blackout state to the curtains torn down & the headboard laid on top of him. & yes he was still breathing
Why would you call when you knew I'd be having sex!?
Why would you answer?
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