We're 3 acts into this drag show and we've already run out of Lady Gaga songs.
Oprah is sooooo fat. I can't even concentrate on Mackenzie Phillips talking about banging her dad
Mid thrust he tells me that we have bio together
screw that ipod for my birthday.. i just want a weed brownie the size of my face. that's all.
Please come fuck me. I had the worst sex of my life the other night and I need to be reminded that sex is actually enjoyable
The last time I saw you, you were rolling around on the ground at the bar.....
.....well it was bound to be an interesting night since I was chasing my pulls with pulls....
What is a foreign vacation of stupidity without some fake names?
He just had a handle of vodka with ice in it yelling at people hot august night mother fuckaaaaa and was pouring it on his face
He just showed up with a bottle of wild turkey a half a can of coke and some marshmallows yelling "gobble gobble bitches" my roommates hate my cousin
I take pride in being a married 31 year old who sleeps on her best friend's bathroom floor from time to time.
I found them in the bathroom trying to wrap an American flag around Steve's dick. I didn't bother to ask questions.
this is the second day the intern has gotten me coffee. he either wants to bang me or thinks I'm more important than I am.
either way he's in for disappointment
Would it be weird if i sent him a "happy fuckiversary" text?
Just told my dad about my heroic mailbox showdown. He looked at me strange. I think he thinks I'm high.
You are high.
New one isn't as good asmy ex. She won't put her tongue up my butt
Peter this is your "ex"
I stand by what i said
Randomize
