You were running around with scissors offering people free haircuts.
And it just wouldn't be a Thursday night without me having to cuss out a foreigner. The streak continues.
Is it bad that my only regret is fucking on the bathroom floor and not the sink?
Anything you tell me within three minutes of an orgasm isn't even being recorded in my head.
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I wonder what chicks would think if they learned that when we add them on fb we email their bikini pics to each other.
I am both excited and frightened by the fact that this much everclear is legal here. Best vacation ever.
My bathing suit kept falling whenever I went under a wave and this kid caught on and kept checking them out so I told him nothing comes free $5 a boob
Come on down you're the next contestant on "lets go drinking!"
Buffalo PD walked in my bedroom this morning at 7 am. Was still blackout drunk, fully dressed, Steak Out wrapper on the floor, parking meter on the floor of the bar room. 'Both of your doors were wide open, wanted to make sure no one was robbing you.' Then I made a pass at her.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If there's anything my liberal arts education has taught me, it's belligerence.
We'd like to invite you to our threesome! Lingerie is encouraged and drinks will be provided. Next Friday, roommate night, my bedroom. Hope to see you there!
drunk me always erases text conversations because she is a woman of mystery and does not like for me to know what's going on in her life
RESPOND QUICKLY THIS IS AN EMERGENCY!!! LITERALLY AN 11 INCH DICK!!!!! HELP.
Every time I look at him 'Relax' by Frankie Goes to Hollywood plays in my head. Is that weird?
Eh, it could have been worse. I may or may not have been wearing a jedi cloak while getting my dick sucked.
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