DO IT!!! IT MUST BE FATE THAT I GAVE YOU THAT CONDOM!!!!
i blame lastnights decisions on friday the 13th
This is the 4 year anniversary of the last time I shit my pants. Let's get drunk...
just because she blew him doesn't mean she knows his name.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
his recent searches consisted of "World record for not bathing" and "Miley Cyrus vs Taylor Swift". Not even i am that desperate.
It's when I'm in my pajamas and in need of a gin delivery that I miss NYC most of all.
just so you're aware of it in the morning: you tried to slide down the railing on a snuggie. twice.
Put a customer on hold today while I threw up. If I don't get employee of the month, I'm suing.
Mandatory 420 Adventure Time.
This is why we're friends.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just had a 40 min argument about how many celebrity guest appearances on Sesame Street were court ordered for DUIs.
Plan: drunk dancing. Reality: drunk almost getting in fights with people that could beat me into the ground.
Steaks?
It's Ash Wednesday.
If you really think that not eating meat on a weeknight is going to keep you out of hell, fine. Can I use that chimichurri you made?
Sometimes i like to think we arent living together next year and that im living with models that like to experiment but you ruin that fantasy time and time again
He told me he felt the only proper thing to do was fuck me to the top of the corporate ladder
The best walk of shames are on the highway
Randomize