I'm at subway, this 8 year old kid is judging my fashion sense with his dad. I want to kill myself.
It's ok, he's just 8, he's not judging you.
He just asked why I'm sitting alone. I honestly want to cry.
Just saw a woman in a hospital gown with a Steelers jersey on top smoking a cigarette while hooked up to an IV outside of the hospital. I love Pittsburgh.
My warmest regards to the fish in that koi pond I puked in.
No it's ok. I made friends with the guy that always wears helmets to the bar. His name is helmet Harry
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
seis de mayo is my least favoite holiday because i usually spend it in bed sobbing over my poor life decisions from the night before.
I just woke up entirely naked on top of a pile of some guy's laundry on his bedroom floor.
It's was about average. But he had a tat on his thigh that said "pull-out n' rollout" so I won't have to worry about a round two request.
I WILL NOURISH YOU WITH SOUP AND PENIS!!!!!! And a sandwich of your choosing.......you like turkey?
BoomCity!!!
You don't have to text me that every time you have sex. I already heard you ring the gong.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
After a long night of drunk sexting I have to the ninja roll at the front door to see who showed up.
Seriously you've eaten pizza pockets for every meal for the past 4 days
Well to be fair I wasn't alive for breakfast 2 out of 4 days
I woke up naked under desk at her apt once during my freshman year. I should have known that friendship was of a different breed...
I shaved my balls for you. Do you have any idea how hard that is?
Until you've snorted cocaine at 6am before your nursing school clinicals birthing babies you're not on my level
screwing the intern at work sucks when u find out the boss is too. She is a smoking hot though
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