New moon trailer came on. Theater booed. I love these people.
You should ask if we are margaritasing tomorrow. and yes i did just turn that into a verb
I think it's safe to say me, swords and vodka can never be aloud in the same room again.
We are probably going to have to use your boobs as currency to get this done
Just 30 Funny Tumblr Posts About Starbucks
We're both on the slippery slope toward middle age...and really shame riddled bar experiences
No hurry on coming over. My body currently wants everything on the inside to be on the outside. But really. Don't hurry.
My dad picked me up from the bus station and as soon as he saw me he yelled "bus backwards is SUB!" and started laughing, I'm like 800% sure he's stoned. I'm so happy I came home for spring break.
The date officially concluded on the phrase "Nosh dat vag".
It's not even close to Halloween but there is a girl in a nurses outfit. Twerk or twat.
18 People Are Kind Of A**holes But Also Completely Hilarious
We had sex on roll out bean bag chair, and then proceeded to sleep with a blanket with dolphins on it. Happy birthday to me.
He handed me a beer to drink as he went down on me. I want to keep him
Just a suggestion, don't apricot scrub your vagina.
I just spontaneously learned how to embroider at three in the morning.
I also almost burned the house down in the process. Don't ask me how. It's a long story.
I haven't answered because I haven't figured out a polite way of saying fuck no
Apparently the cops had to handcuff me in order to get me to come with to the hospital with them. They asked me if I had had any experience with handcuffs before and I replied, "Only in bed." What a life