I'll start drinking again when I know where I am
operation harelip BJ is a go
I woke up with semen in my invisalign. My molars were just marinating in it
guess what. just found out I had mono. no wonder alcohol didn't taste good on nye
These 25 People Had Very Inappropriate Sexual Relations(hips)
Sunday Funday has been cancelled indefinitely, due to lack of self control of all parties involved.
I feel like butter and tequila would be excellent combination. Right now. Please do this in my name.
He was crying because he hiccuped every time he kissed me. We then crawled to the kitchen because neither of us could stand, and I spoon-fed him peanut butter "to cure his ailment."
No more vodka shots for you. Last night you begged a man on your knees to sell you his beard. He had no beard.
Part of me was thinking I should go old school and get a chasity belt before the semester starts. Really lock that shit down. But then I thought, fuck that. I'm going to hit that campus like an f5 whorenado
These 31 People Are Lazier Than You Could Ever Imagine
I don't give a shit if she's homeless, if you're gunna live outside el pollo loco and act like a bitch I'm squirting you with my water bottle
I yelled out look at all those hickeys. And then gave her boyfriend a high five
I can't figure out how to eat twizzlers and I have to be at a wedding reception in an hour.
Please never have kids.
I was just tryna bring you beer girl. I should've known you'd be shirtless though
Also, don't forget your plan to die young at a shrooms-fueled orgy.
It figures that the only time one of my videos on Snapchat gets replayed is a video of my Hedonism Bot impression and NOT my nudes