I think you should know he took my pants (buttons and zippers included) and my thong off with his mouth alone. I found my husband
I knew you were drunk when you poured scotch on a croissant and ate it.
They're giving me a hotel, and this chick doesn't have a place to stay for the night... I swear this is how real life Porno starts.
We are the drunkest people in Toys R' Us right now
29 Petty People Reveal The Shallow Reasons They Turned Someone Down
Robbie told me you spent 10 mins discussing the curl in his hair and that you said "with that curl in your hair, you'll go far"
Babe when I told you that you needed to grow up I didn't mean get drunk and sponsor 8 African kids.
I am currently exfoliating my skin with the toilet. We've never been so close.
I almost had to get my pinky cut off. Wow I'm so happy. We won beer olympics so i didnt hahaha
I feel like every picture I upload of him on facebook where you can see his purity ring, I should make the caption "something in this picture does not belong"
21 Horribly Evil Pranks To Play On Your Drunk Friends
He bought segways. We ride them when we get drunk. Last night he ran through the sliding glass door.
You texted me a picture of your face along with #help
you just missed a great speech in which i almost coined the term "ass-ian" as in "my vaginal and ass-ian regions are no longer safe"
God please dont post that to facebook.
Dude, we got to the strip club as they were closing, and you starting crying because, and I quote, "This is the closest to birthday sex I'm gonna get."
he was spending his time trying to use emojis to court a 19 year old, I can’t really take that seriously no matter how hot a dude is
It's a herpes check up not a beauty pageant