i hate this light. i wouldnt even hook up with me in this light
I got otter pops to cool the beers, it's an all around better idea.
Sorry, can't come over. I have to spend time with my niece. Her Dad ignores her and I don't want her to have male attention issues like you.
For a second, I wondered if I could smoke pizza.
19 Cringe-worthy Bachelorette Party Texts
This is the way my sobriety ends: Not with a bang, but with a whimper.
its not a holiday until ive ruined the family picture because im drunk
well that explains the french fry and ketchup packet rolled into the wasitband of my sweats. thank you drunk me.
He's coming over for beer and a movie, but I just don't know if he's interested.
Pathetic and sad. I should come over there and fuck both of you just to get the ball rolling.
Yep and i guess after he came back from that he sat down next to me and i just put my hand right on his penis just casually like it was his leg
The 23 Worst Things That Have Happened After a One Night Stand
Looks like breakfast in bed is out the window. She can't get up because I "fucked her into paralysis." My stomach is not happy with my dick right now
My younger brother just got high fives from all my guy cousins for fucking my best friend. I hate family gatherings.
I feel like I've asked you "are you okay?" one too many times in the last 48 hours. You're hopeless.
You couldn't even walk but you came into the kitchen with the funnel and begged me to put beer in it
No. DON'T DO IT. Friends don't let friends fuck clowns.
They had an Olympic theme party at her work yesterday. She brought home her fake gold medal and hung it on my cock after she rode me.