someone is gonna have my baby tonight. they just dont know it yet
I'll alert the authorities
Seeing him suck some chick's face on VH1 wasn't exactly how I imagined the "we should see other people" conversation going.
She keeps stunt undies in her bag, 2 sizes too small. She leaves them behind so the guy thinks he was luckier than he was...
Either this is the best sandwich I've ever had, or my stomach is just relieved to have something in it that's not Red Bull or semen.
People Are Arguing Over This Guy’s Petty Reaction To Splitting Lunch With His Co-Worker
Just woke up next to our cab driver from last night. Please tell me this isn't happening.
btw, do you remember scaling that porch last night?
czant get you from the arport. sry i found the rum. dan sucks at rumpong jusrt so yo knoqw.
It took him an hour to realize I wasn't this "Sarah" girl, and by then he was already crying and eating pizza rolls.
Believe it or not, that's part of the whole 'best friend' thing. It's not just yelling at me for making you leave the club early or taking the couch bc I'm doing sex while you're doing bjs.
Girl Logs Into Twitter Only To Find Out Her Dad Is Trending For The Most Outrageous Reason
You called to teach me about fire safety, meowed a whole bunch, said "I hope you are not on fire" and hung up.
Sooo Zach and Judd are on my porch drunk eating leaves and flowers...
im glad im back to a point in my life where i have enough sex to sometimes be offered and be like naw im good.
My new boobs got me 12 drinks at the concert. Whose the real winner here?
Just wore the promise ring dad gave me freshman year of high school as a fake wedding band while I bought a pregnancy test. I think it's safe to say that's not what he had in mind with that gift 14 years ago.
Love waking up to a new contact named “Pizza” btw