i wanted to iron the shorts i'm wearing. but i'm high and lazy. so i'm using my hair straightener. in bed.
id fuck shawn from boy meets world only if we could name the baby topanga.
writing the newer testament. It's the 3rd for the series. I'll update u the rule changes later.
I'm actually glad you're quitting. Now there's one less person at work who's seen me naked.
dude, it should not be this hard to find a bottomless mimosa on a friday morning
I look like a zombie and smell like a stripper. Its gonna be a good day.
Bad news. I baked you a cake and one of my fingernails is missing.
I just threw up on the floor. And we're gonna fuck on the beer pong table, so keep everyone upstairs.
Exactly. So you're exempt under the "I can't just fuck her to make it go away" clause of 2010.
I woke up and there was pizza slices on the fucking walls of my room
Oh, and one of the worst parts... his name was Mario. I fucked a Nintendo character.
what food is Colorado known for?
Pot brownies.
Grandma and I are gonna see the new Tarzan movie, because we both appreciate shirtless Swedish men
Damn. Looks like nobody I know is doing anything interesting. Guess it's another slut-it-up-with-strangers sort of night.
You were painting for six hours and managed one four foot wall. "The Mellow Handyman" isn't a good business model.
Randomize
