Skipping work because i'm still too drunk from last night still. got home at midnight and passed out in front of my door for 2 hours bc i couldn't find my key
had to call my rooommate to let us in. Passed out in my dress and found the key on my hair tie-in my hair- just now.
how much do you want to bet that her wedding invites will be vera bradley themed? loser has to frame theirs.
so when am I gonna get some from you?
when you dick grows 3 inches
Law school is ruining my masturbation schedule.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Apparently she held up my head the entire 40 minutes, convincing the cab driver that I was okay
Just think about how many life skills I lack. Cooking... Driving... Sobriety...
im pretty sure this vending machine only exists when im drunk
He told me I handled myself pretty well considering how drunk I was. He failed to realize that the lollipop I had was one I found on the ground a few minutes before hand.
I have her designated blowjob hair tie on my wrist. It's like a key to eternal happiness
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
What am I doing with my life
Sleeping with dudes who have peacocks apparently.
Woke up in a bathtub with both of my legs broken. How was your night?
Any chance the bar is open now? Also who's wedding is this?
this weekend took five years off my life and what was left of my dignity
What is ur current declared sexuality for my bingo board
You’ve seen my tits of course he broke his wedding vows
Randomize