he convinced the breakfast vendor to melt twix bars on bacon for me at 4am. he slurred every word. i think i found my prince charming.
sooo....i just remembered that someone fed me a pretzel out of their purse at the bar last night.
I know I'm not the first to fuck in a park but i deserve props for doing it at 3pm. On a sunny day might I add.
also since I use google voice my ads in gmail switched to DUI services after this conversation
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He's not so smart and obsessed with sex and lacks listening comprehension skills. I feel like i'm dating a sexually competent sesame street character.
My contribution to the dinner party was a bottle of vodka and a bag of uncooked potatoes. I felt like a Russian serf.
yes i am an adult who snuck out of my parents house to cuddle with a guy and then came home and listened to taylor swift. judge me all you want.
She busted her face in a tragic twerking accident. Marking the 2nd time I have peed my pants laughing.
Waiting on the notification from my fitness pal that tells me I'm an alcoholic
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Don't worry my mom is buying me a vasectomy for Christmas
Definitely accidentally brought drugs into Disneyland. Considering using them.
What are you gunna do with your life today
put it back together
A true gentleman never tells. But yes, I did indeed get laid last night
When do you think the murder is going to happen in this Lifetime movie of ours?
Ahhh, beer. My second favorite breakfast drink.
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