Turns out drinking large amounts of Gentleman Jack does NOT turn you into a Gentleman -- quite the opposite actually.
He insisted on sleeping in my bed. Had he taken all of my obvious hints I would have sucked his dick. He only wanted to snuggle. My world has been turned upside down.
He was streaking. We were hammered. We had roman candles. It only made sense to shoot them at him.
He would only do it doggy style. The "he's probably gay" debate rages on...
I am VERY upset that you called my fiesta a waste of time.
Technically he's married but he says it's "not like that" even tho his wife lives with him. Not sure if I believe him but I'm sleeping with him anyway.
See, the Lortab wasn't working enough, so I thought "hey, vodka can speed that up! That's how science works!" Which probably should've been my indication that the Lortab was in fact working
He's passed out. He nodded his head when I asked if he's alive though...so there's that
After getting rejected by him, I got a strangely pleasant dick pic from an unknown number with the caption: "I hope this gets you through the night ;)" It's like the Cock-Gods were shining down upon me.
Getting dome in the backseat of a friends car with Ariana Grande playing in the background was probably the most romantic part of my night
Update: He still has devil magic genitals.
I'm sharing a breakfast burrito w my uber driver
Bra is off & I'm snuggled in a pizza. Adulting is good.
She pulled out a water gun filled with vodka and called it her weapon of choice tonight. She's fine.
So he called his lawyer from the bar to confirm the cost of hitting the douchebag before flooring him. I respect his planning skills.
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