There are few people I can ask this w/o being looked at as insane... Do you ever some days get fascinated by how amazing your own breast look?
I asked a girl to buy her a drink, she had I have a boyfriend, so I said, well i have a goldfish, she said what? I replied, oh I'm sorry I thought we were talking about shit that doesnt matter.
so its thursday, which means its time to resume communication with you
Theres two guys using a blow up doll to hold their beers while they float around the pool
Im on my way, tell them to get ready for a high-five
I couldn't function. I was to the point where I was using a bottle cap as a monocle.
Well Im currently dressed up as batman raiding frat houses for booze
I was more obsessed with the sweat stain on her back that was simultaneously shaped like a vagina and the virgin Mary.
I can make a sex schedule on Excel and send it to you guys
We need to leave a grand offering for the god of free booze and salvia.
im drinking out of a pineapple, so yea.
Can't beat it when the local bar sends you off with a loaf of bread on the way out the door.
I had nothing but condoms at the checkout, then grabbed a pack of Orbitz gum and said "gotta protect from bad breath" felt like a boss
It's like every time I'm baked I discover my fingers all over again.
Dear god my vagina.
Goat in kitchen.....explanation?....
Randomize
