If I don't come home tonight, I've died in a pile of gay.
So my mouth tastes like dick. Does that explain how our talk went?
So I just googled the ten commandments... Were fucked.
Having sex with her is like doing taxes, Happens once a year and I usually end up paying.
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If I remember who won the superbowl tomorrow morning.. I think I'm just going to quit drinking. There really won't be a point anymore
I'll hold a taco with my boobs for you
thank god we only have to drink eggnog and rum once a year. It taste like shit.
Ya he's alive. Apparently he's been drinking Naty and listening to Unbreak My Heart on repeat all day.
If you wanna be a real wingman, create some insecurity and comment on that pic of all the hot girls with "Id do every girl in this pic.. except the fat one".
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I am seriously thinking about wearing a blanket as a cape. So when I pass out tonight the blanket might keep me warm.
i still can't believe he got laid by going to the bar and handing out "cuddle buddy" application forms
she told me she wanted to fuck me because i was "rugged". if the definition of rugged is a lack of manscaping, slightly overweight, and pounding 16 oz pbrs, then yes i am rugged as fuck
I promise not to pretend to be Jesus and take the wheel. But to my credit you shouldn't be saying that while I'm that drunk and we are in a car.
She started waving a nerf rifle around and demanding free booze.
Irony: drinking your pre workout supplement out of the cup your Krispy Kreme doughnut holes came in.
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