This is not my ceiling
omg. I had the wrong window open and I accidentaly posted my credit card # on twitter
Whats your twitter name
I do regret it. But I can't unfuck her
I should have been more specific when I asked for 8 inches.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I was doing the dishes wondering what was with all the tiny little cups, but then I remembered that some people drink things other than huge mixed drinks and big cups of water the next day.
I am NOT getting arrested in a wig.
Are you around on Saturday? Feeling a trip over
Wet with either fear or sexual excitement
I think a mixture of both is appropriate
I was trying to chase her off the carpet, but now there are figure-eights of cat vomit. everywhere
Moral of the story is go have sex with a foreigner and report back to me.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Man, I meant to go dancing, but accidentally took mushrooms and just threw the frisbee in the park
Surprise ending
I love this text stream: discussing the development of a business model centered around cooking acid to bankroll a yacht trip in Croatia
When you woke up the first word out of your mouth was "whoa"
I was feeling the aftermath of his penis
but I have boobs. I'm not going to buy my own drinks at the bar like some kind of fucking animal.
It's all part of my master plan: have him buy me all I can eat pizza and all I can drink beer AND THEN tell him there was no spark and we're better off as friends.
I have filthy fantasies involving his tongue. My vagina almost exploded while he was licking that ice cream cone.
Randomize