I am going to give you the keys to my place
Then I'll give you the keys to my heart
Gag me
i saved all my weight watcher points for this alcohol
Ok so my english teacher told me i could have 5 absences bc of my "problem". I have no idea what she is talking about
you pissed in a zip-loc bag and wanted 60 dollars for it
i'm just going to get a pitcher of margarita. sober up by 10. and then do my accounting project
Because of him my new motto is "Keep calm and fuck a guy with a beard". Yes, I am serious.
Went to the doctor's today. The lady took one look at my throat and said "oh god"
Too much penis in there.
I JUST SEARCHED GINGER COCK ON TUMBLR AND THEY'RE ALL REALLY WELL HUNG? I'M CRYING. IS THIS HOW GINGERS KEEP REPRODUCING?
WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU?
There is a man playing a trumpet at this brunch and I hate life. Too hungover for this. Send help ASAP.
I just wish he'd leave so I can vomit in peace.
NO MAKING MOLDS OF ANYONES GENITALS
Fine. Suck all the fun out of life.
DELETE THAT VIDEO OF ME MAKING OUT WITH THAT RUG NOW
well I didn't shave for the hot dilf I banged last week so I'm sure as hell not shaving for you. Sry
He lured me round with the prospect of sex and then made me proofread his CV and spoon. I fucking hate this guy.
What do you think would be the best way to remove a baby carrot from a vagina?
Randomize
