oh yeah I know that guy. he's legit. slept in my closet a few times
You pulled the fire alarm because you had to shit and there was someone in the bathroom. you said you needed privacy
Thanks for talking me down from peeing on his window last night.
I am now curious as to how you would have aimed.
How is it possible that I am in a completely different city, and there are 2 dudes here that I've banged? How????
Is it sad I don't want to go buy $1 Mac-n-cheese cause I need to pay rent... I'm re-naming this college.
Also, peanut butter on a spoon dinner is back in existence and it is good.
If his smile makes you freak out and drop things imagine what his penis could do
Why am I wearing a dog collar
Only way we could keep you from running in to traffic.
I woke up to a quacking alarm clock and a rando in my bed. I told him I liked his cargo shorts. Fireball is not my soulmate anymore.
I hate you so much right now. You got us kicked out of my favorite bar because your drunk ass was hogging the Bluetooth jukebox and would play NOTHING but that goddamn skeleton song. IT'S NOT EVEN OCTOBER YET.
Spopky scrzy skeletonssz
Way to go. Now you have no beer and I have a cold tit.
Her son walked in on us and asked if he could "wrestle too."
I'm eating year old chocolate from the trash can. It was in a ziploc bag but still, this is a new low. Help me.
He named his newborn baby after a character in the Hobbit and that is literally keeping me up at night.
There was a woman who drank mouth wash to get drunk during her supposed detox...this is def the internship for me!
When you're as high as I am right now brushing your teeth is both magical and fucking terrifying
Randomize
