Just saw the homeless asian lady making a hispanic man pull her shopping cart with a harness. I love Boston.
I just figured it out. Meghan has the same smile as Sylvester Stallone.
he was fingering the outside of my pants..i knew that was my cue to leave
Just saw some airport workers running through the terminal with liquor bottles. That's my kind of emergency.
Why would I send you a picture of it when I could just steal the gnome and put it in your bed with you? Admit it, he looks just like gnomeo!
Thank you for calling me on to a higher level of debauchery. fuck anyone who says we aren't good for each other
thats why a responsible adult always keeps some facial hair just in case they need to shave a hulk hogan mustache for midget wrestling...
My dad, when he got home and saw me loading a bowl in the living room: "We have TWO beautiful balconies to get high on and you pick the couch?!"
Talked to Nate, told him he was a douche. Will give details when sober. It's ok. You're my best friend together a wolf pack. Olive juice.
At first I was horrified but then he explained that he shave a "soul patch" on his balls... And I was still horrified, but I went with it.
The annual Father's Day Wake and Bake has been canceled due to lack of hustle.
Dollars spent: $83, Girls kissed: 4, Girls slept with:2, Girls currently making me breakfast: 1, Fucks given: 0
I'm not complaining, but why is it that every time I hang out with you I come home with random injuries and random girls?
Why did two squirrels just run out from behind the couch?
Oh yeah, nothing says welcome home like walking in on your parents having sex on your bed while the dog is watching, they told me to wait until they were done...