you kept begging me not to tell anyone you had been a bat in another life
She is the perfect woman. She cooks, gives good head and doesn't care that I have a small penis.
I asked you if you were ok and you said "dude I'm fine, I'm in the recovery position"
he also begged me to fake an orgasm when he couldn't get me to come.
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We thought we had lost her until we found her in the bushes a block away singing "Jingle Bells".
Don't worry we found her. Somehow she ended up on my roof with 2 bar stools
No more scars from drunken holidays, people are starting to notice.
he's paying for my abortion by participating in an alcohol study. dont try to tell me we wouldn't be classy parents
I've been at work 30 min broke a paper towel holder a chair set a box on fire and fell down twice. Hungover Brian just reached a new level
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my spring break was before theirs and i literally fed him vodka all week, only stopping for class and bowls. like handles. i cant even think anymore, that chastity belt was hard to get off,
TONIGHT IS GOING TO BE A FUCKING BLAST. EVEN IF I HAVE TO SET OFF A BUNCH OF FIREWORKS IN YOUR KITCHEN.
I'm surprised I didn't lose anything last night. Except maybe my dignity but other than that we gucci.
I ain't lettin her quit anyway. We don't fuck enough for her to meet the housewife requirements
He shit with the door open. I think that means we are in a realtionship.
His junk had piercings everywhere. The dick and balls. It was a fucking pirate penis.
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