i just pissed myself at work. maybe they'll buy the old coffee spill trick
can you come get me and bring me shorts and a shirt
maybe shoes and water too
oh and maybe a noose to hang myself
drunk at some random house party. come get me. i thought i pulled my dick out to go piss... it was my left nut. im soaked.
You told her the u were going to wrap your dick around her neck and start her like a lawn mower. thats why she left.
besides im still about 80% sure that im eskimo brothers with jerry springer
the only evidence i have from this weekend existing is a title page for a novel i tried writing called "the oyster who gave up drinking"
I can always make him wear a mask... I'll tell him it's a fetish.
Her stripper name is Geico. I'm not drunk or creative enough to make this up.
Is it worth it to drive to a zoo with a high possibility of sex at said zoo?
I never notice how majestic and beautiful my cat is unless I'm blazed
Wait. We seriously played strip beer pong at the bar last night. Who said I never came up with good ideas
Would it be sad if I made a blanket fort to get drunk in till the power came back?
Trying not to ruin Mother's Day with the enormous hickey on my neck. Nice.
the best part is that i get to keep the pot plants and he still has my name tattooed on his ass
I just saw a guy walking down the street without a shirt on and holding a samari sword....
Randomize
