I hate to say it, but I think my pandora being Marvin Gaye love songs was the prime reason for the bj last night
I am not deleting the internet history anymore, now I am going for shock value.
I was hidding Easter eggs in CHURCH this morning when one of the older men came up to me and said "I always knew you'd be a bunny just not the Easter kind" ... Our congregation obviously has high hopes for their pastor's daighter
We're listening to the crystal method and doing bong hits for jesus
How are you texting me from 1998?
i'll just tell him I slept with them both because we needed to compare notes
I should probably go to bed before I start to care about why I started drinking in the first place.
You started an entire relationship based only on sex and emoticons.
Just burnt my nuts with a cigarette. Don't ask. I hate life.
I just put on my phone calendar to remind me of my final child support payment in 2029
I should have listened to my dad and mean girls... If you have sex you'll get pregnant and die.
I don't know whether to laugh it off or be pissed at him..I got pulled over this morning leaving his place and the officer thought my hickeys were hand prints around my neck and asked if I needed to be escorted out of town.
Remember when we tried to have fun last time..? I got put in a choke hold and you woke up in some ones car.
Hey, before I head out, whats your policy on casual drug use and one night stands?
you stood in front of the mirror for 20 minutes and finally said, "he can hear everything i'm saying inside my head. we need to leave." now try and tell me there is no such thing as too high.
The next morning I found her spread eagle asleep on the living room floor and he was asleep with his head in her crotch. I needed a ride and had to wake them up.
Randomize
