Let's bang like we're on a Lifetime Channel movie.
Oh my god. Oh my god. Oh my god. I drunk emailed a professor on friday. Oh my god. Oh my god.
We were drinking cognac with TAB. I felt like trailer park royalty.
suddenly, hermaphrodite night sounds like a really bad idea
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She bent the beer can with her tongue. I'm scared of what she'll do to me
What is a reasonable amount of condoms to keep in my condom wallet without it being creepy that I have too many?
Please tell me why 'cock-a-thon' was auto saved in my phone.
Do ex girlfriends even count for summer sexcapades. Seems like the damage had already been done
Victory lap
My wedding band has saved me from at least four cases of herpes tonight.
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You can wear my underwear. It'll be like old times.
SHE SITS THERE LIKE A DICK LIKE AN ACTUAL DICK JUST LIMP AND DUMB AND BLAH
No one is allowed to go to bed until all bottles are finished, I don't want to feel my face tongiht. Do you understand?
I am. I woke up on someone's front lawn dressed as max Payne also be proud.
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
if it makes you feel any better you looked really comfortable while you were sleepin in the closet, atleast according to the pictures i woke up with on my phone
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