clearly I should have checked to see if he was an NRA member before I went back to his house and woke up in Heston's haven.
Do you think if Santa was real that he's have a big penis?
I woke up around 30 bottles of beer, with a piece of aluminum foil in my hand, that had "you Win" Wrote in sharpie..
this morning i woke up under the kitchen table. i went to my room and there was an inflatable whale in my bed with a banana duct taped to where its penis should be. there were trails of cheez-its around my apartment and i found $67 in the crotch of my underwear. im guessing i had a very happy birthday.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You made a list of reasons why you should be on fear factor. You came up with 2 reasons: "I like fear" and "I am fear"
I swear it started with good intentions but then my slutty side took over and we started playing strip checkers
Using a Nedi Pot after doing lines... at least I'm a health conscious drug user?
Sorry about that whole "setting your deck on fire" thing.
I am self-sufficient. I puked in a wine glass and emptied it in the trash. Points for style and neatness
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
ever had one of those days where you say fuck it and lick the inside of a bag of chips
I think I'm going to give him a welcome back to single life blow job
Some girl came up to us crying that she lost her phone and you said "if it's meant to be, let it be"
I found my grandmother's vibrator, how was your day?
So there is a 50% chance that he just left my house and a 100% chance that I have to be up for work in 2 hours...
The only thing that makes a night with half a bottle of cheap vodka is the other half of that bottle of cheap vodka.
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