And then he told me he had the vodka, but he was still in line at WIC for the juice.
Your fb status are always so intriguing.. Often make me picture you naked
just found out i fit into magnum condums. this is going to be the best weekend ever
What's the second line of that rhyme that starts "Vicodin before scotch...?"
Apparently she doesn't appreciate the significance of eskimo sisterhood as much as I do.
I am now the only person in my apartment who hasn't had sex in my bed.
Judging by the fact that he asked me if i wanted to serenade him using cocaine and Taylor Swift I'd say I so have it in the bag.
He'd pee in it. And since it's PBR I'd have no idea
I didn't know what happened last night until the bruises in the shape of hands showed up on my boobs. Then it all made sense.
Just realized my relationship wasn't even Facebook official and I'd already cheated on him. 'Shitty girlfriend' is an understatement.
I just had sex with the megalodon show on in the background and it was just as magical as it sounds
HOW MANY BOYS NOT ONLY APPROVE OF YOUR PLAN TO BECOME POCAHONTAS, BUT WANT TO MAKE SURE YOU DO IT RIGHT? One, the answer is one, and he is the best and if anyone ever tries to steal him I can assure you they will never be heard from again
Dude I puked in a snow bank and then fell face first into it
Honestly it was like 3 AM and I only agreed to go to the strip club because I wanted chicken tenders
I like to make sure they know it's casual by giving then a high five after sex
Randomize
