you should wait a day or two to break up with your girlfriend
why?
so we can have sex in the meantime. It adds a little excitement.
as evidence of my kitchen this morning my night involved alot of mustard and condoms
That blackeyed peas song was on, so I thought that was prediciting tonight was going to be a good night. And then my garage door opner fell and hit me in the head.
I literally just copy and pasted that from another bbm convo bc I'm far too stoned to explain that again.
I woke up face first on my living room floor arms outstretched toward the christmas tree
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I drank almost a whole fifth last night. Woke up with blood everywhere wearing a "stereotype this" tshirt. How fitting
I know it sounds like a good idea, but doing Spanish homework at a bar just because the owners are Mexican and they give us margaritas really wasn't the best decision.
thanks for being the calm eye of my shit storm.
This shit I'm taking feels like I've eaten every burrito in the world and chased that with an aquarium of hot sauce.
This coming from the girl who broke up with a guy because she found out he played the tuba in middle school.
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I dunno. The only plans I have for sure after finals are smoking a bowl and eating a 5 pound gummy bear. btw I bought a 5 pound gummy bear
Peed in a sink tonight. That drunk. I'm not proud of myself for what I did. But to carry it out with such class. I should be awarded
Anddon't worry about me I have my Darth Vader flashlight
Tent sex on an air mattress requires balance and flexibility. Not for the faint of heart
You can cuddle me. Word on the street is my ass is ridiculous.
There’s an entire generation of people out there who didn’t grow up watching Mr. Rogers and it shows. These Boomers need to get their shit together.
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