Laying in bed naked with the guy I just fucked, talking to his WIFE who's sitting across from us like we're having a fucking tea party. This is interesting.
I submitted an essay to my history teacher comparing changes in the middle ages to the song changes by David Bowie. I can't wait to see my grade on that.
i like how i just referred to his pregnant wife as the "other" melissa and you didn't even judge me.
we hotboxed my bathroom. with nine people and two dogs.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You called me at 4am shouting drunk shit about Poland and asking me to 'come out and play.' Where the fuck were you?
Poland
This is now the friendly bartender typing for him. He wants to be on you. He is going to "destroy your vagina". Good luck and sorry if this woke you up!
I showed up to a booty-call in my onesie pajamas and rubber boots
Hit a new low. I'm FB stalking him while he is lying in bed sleeping naked next to me. He fell asleep with FB still open and unlocked on his iPad.
i just honestly didn't believe you when you said your brother was a fucking clown. ho shit you weren't kidding.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm just sayin. If your gonna cheat go for someone TOTALLY different. Fucking her twin would be a waste.
Did I let your boyfriend smear a banana into my face last night? Because I have pictures that are telling me I did....
The moment you tore my shirt off I knew I wanted to spend the rest of my life with you
That's why we have robots to masturbate for us
Did you really kidnap my goldfish last night?
I am playing in the snow in my bunny outfit. GET OVER HERE
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