I spilled a beer on myself, so I went back to my place to change. The city marshall was at my door with a warrant. That beer cost me 760 bucks.
A guy just tried to send me a pic of his penis & my phone sent me a disclaimer saying "the components were unsuitable for your terminal"
Even your phone knows you shouldn't sleep with him...
His ankle bracelet only gets in the way when I'm trying to take off his pants.
your facebook page is a work of drunk art.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just woke up to pictures of every angle of his dick I'll ever need to see.
I poured myself a glass of chocolate chips at some point during the evening.
She wasn't to happy when she went to put her shirt on and it was covered in cum I just looked at her and said collateral damage....
My landlord showed my apartment to a prospective tenant today and I had my vibrator and gun both chilling on my nightstand
We set around a table in a hotel room and he spoon fed Molly to everyone there... I felt sketch for sec but then... Oh well.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I am the fucking FIFTH wheel. How do you think it's going?
I think I died and satan has brought me back to life and I'm paying for my sins with this hangover
He said his name was Tony, after last night I will refer to him as Tiny
I mean, I've had her boob in my mouth, but is that romance?
I experienced pure joy just moments ago when I looked down and saw that I had another pop tart to consume down my mouth hole.
Just fucked my ex's brother. It is clear I dated the wrong one. Is it wrong for me to continue to fuck this one?
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