so i was sitting on this guys lap, and we were flirting and everything right..well his phone kept ringing, turns out it was his pregnant wife...she had gone into labor..
Turns out vomit takes off spray tan.
I need to get the stench of sex and broken dreams out of my room
while we were having sex she stopped and said, "god is always watching". Then she started again with no other words said. We were fucked up.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Its a "sake bomb in the bathroom during class" kind of day.
The Supreme Court upheld health insurance. If that's not an excuse to get hospital drunk, I don't know what is.
Look. If you're going to be my girlfriend you need to be down with me licking BBQ off your face infront of kids.
It's hard to judge what a reasonable amount of cereal looks like in the spaghetti pot. We're out of cap'n crunch and milk.
We need to get you laid. Or i fear you might explode like a firework of sexual innuendos and unfulfilled erotic fantasies.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Got it in all night, now at a bar at 730 am and we are the only two people here. Somewhere my mid twenties father is applauding me.
Just figured out my hair is long enough to tie my wrists together. . .get over here NOW!
This morning I found four opened yet full beers on my desk and my towel rack pulled off the wall and in bed with me
How the fuck did we end up at a strip club last night.. We started the night playing bingo at a church
I guess I was running around slapping people in the face with a slice of turkey telling them that the only way to beat alcohol addiction is to go cold turkey.
If I don’t find a quality dick soon I’m going to beg the neighbor for another threesome with her and her husband. It’s like Covid killed all the quality penis Vegas normally has
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