so my bro's bff came over...we had an awkward "yeah we fucked and can fuck later, but let's just pretend it didn't happen in front of the family" hug.
based on who turned up here tonight the whole evening should just be called "mistakes i made when i was fat"
It's an Italian thing I guess, grew up on that shit.
I'm Irish, we don't eat cow guts unless they're blended into a fine whiskey
Some guy on the train just glared at me. So I'm drinking tequilla out of a dixie cup. Go fuck yourself.
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is it sad that i think every plant i pass on the highway looks like a plant from farmville?
i love that he's uncircumcised. it makes handjobs so much easier. it's the lazy susan of penises.
I'm heating up a hotdog using a candle.
It's a system.. i get to hook up with them and you get to play words with friends with them afterwards.
He drew a face on his balls with a sharpie. It was like giving head to a unicorn.
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Any time you've had a failed relationship, I blast No Sex for Ben by The Rapture and dance around my room. I wish I was joking.
Wait do you remember that guy last night asking to use my nose ring to open his beer.......
it is basically gonna be an ugly Christmas sweater rave
I wish I knew the extent of my injuries before I climbed over the fence. Might have avoided the need to purchase a cupholder for my wheelchair.
Girl you know I'm an advocate of debauchery but you might wanna check yoself.
i'd like to schedule a penis for 4pm please.
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