weak ass sauce last night. waste of time. you suck. ps. your boobs are fake
At least my shower head will respect me in the morning.
I was to drunk to drive all the way up there, so we just had rough phone sex instead
Apparently I've been blackout drunk doing abstract algebra on the floor
Apparently he proposed after he saw me chug vodka out of a traffic cone.
Ahh you know it's going to be a long day when you mistake a beer for a sprite at 10:30 in the morning while babysitting
I planned on emotionally scarring him for life this weekend. DAMN YOU PERIOD!
Pizza toast. It's like pizza but on toast. BC we are broke. OMG its so good.
You would never do this sober.
i think she just faxed a picture of her vag from the office copy machine... i mean what kind of sexting is that... wait is that even legal???
My mom just gave me my fake back to buy her more wine.
I just got a get of my turf look from a hooker. Apparently, Ninja Turtles T-shirt+Jeans+Flip-Flops=Hooker Gear. Woot.
Wine and a Lunchable. That would be depressing if it wasn't the pepperoni and mozzarella one. Those are the shit!
Listen, I've got balls in my face can I call you back
I wear drunk well.
it's like i'm your dad, but instead of reminding you to bring your lunch to school i remind you to take a good long hit from your bong.
Randomize
