Wanted to apologize for chris browning you when you were on my computer.
My 12 y/o god son's bandmate just asked me to their school dance. Still he's a better catch than the last one...
just threw all of the fireworks into the bonfire. thats why there are firetrucks.
Seriously. You just grinded your ass all over the heisman trophy's dick. I want you to think about that.
i dont understand blimps. what would happen if they collided would they just bounce off or fall to the ground.
dude how high are you right now?
do you think jeeves would know? you do it. ask jeeves.
Sorry but i am wayy to hungover to take mom to her AA meeting.
Wont she be proud, Hailey.
He's used the term "balls deep" 3 times in the first hour. Thanks a lot, Plenty of Fish.
HURRY. I NEED DRUNK. MORE DRUNK.
I found a video of myself completely naked on my phone giving a drunk tutorial on how to shit properly while blindfolded. Did you record it?
Jesus, you make out with one twin then sleep with the other and suddenly they don't want to play soccer with you... Men can be so sensitive...
ill dress up as a sperm donor and you can go as the cup....
I lost my bra, he lost his virginity. Seems like a fair trade off.
Oh dear. If we're both hearing alien sounds then perhaps they're real.
He walked in on me masturbating and on my phone but got mad because I wasn't watching porn just tweeting
Don't EVER mix a flaming shot, with a Jello shot.. As good as it sounds flaming Jello is not a good idea
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