My feet smell like cheese. Makes me hungry.
dude chill. it wont be anything like your seventh grade birthday party.
i threw up in over 4 different places last night. it was like a world tour
and by charming I mean he has a horse cock.
Mars, I'm going to name my child horatio mars. He will hate me till he gets high. Then he'll understand
I'm sending you this that that when you wake up and see the girl sleeping next to you, you know who to thank
To make up for the snow days we missed he's making us write a paper on alcoholism. It's like he knows.
The Ukrainian kid just told me that our econ professor wants to bone me. Please tell me that phrase means something different in Eastern Europe.
They refer to his house as "the abortion clinic". Cant wait.
I woke up to ritz crackers on the lawn, a keystone behind the hedge and puke on the rental car... i think that we have become that house...
At my wifes high school reunion. Found out her nickname was 'Back Door Brooke'. EVERYONE is calling her that.
captain&coke to the library. STAT. this is an emergency. this is not a drill. I repeat: THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
So my roommate and I have a written agreement stating that if he tries to sleep with his ex girlfriend, I have to immediately intervene and nut punch him then send her on her way.
this is the most serious roommate agreement ever
She still didn't believe that he would cheat on her so I finally said "how else would I know that his batman mask is still in the back of his car from halloween?" I think she accepted it
whered you go
woke up in a ditch, shat infront of a little league game, slept in her stairway...i need to come here more often
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