so that wasnt chicken after all
i've been throwing up a lot lately. my guess is hangover but who knows morning sickness is always an option
someone lit off fireworks while I puked in the street. I was like congratulating me for making it through homecoming.
Hey bro, did you ever hear from the background investigator that i was supposed to bang?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I think I need to stop sleeping with him. Sex with him is just a reminder of the mediocrity of the rest of my life.
My brother just asked if I would keep having one nighters with that guy because he really likes the organic cotton v-necks he leaves behind.
Uh no. you let me handle it. trust me: I can paint the Mona Lisa in tints of bitch.
Best part of having a window in your office is that you can leave through it when you shit your pants at work.
I just sneezed weed. Kinda wanna try to smoke it.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Who knows. I'd probably only get a makeout with an OTPHJ from her so the return on sexual investment from her isn't looking that great.
I told him his only options were from behind or me on top. I was not about to mess up my $80 blow out before graduation.
For someone who wanted a break I'm getting way to much dick
Please don't finger me like a jackhammer. I'm a woman not a construction site.
I just had drunken sex with an eagle scout behind the boy scouts of america building. what has my life come to?!
He’s actually a personal trainer. He said he hasn’t taught yoga in a while but the stripper prefers to introduce him as a yoga teacher
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