take 3 tylenol pm's and try playing basketball.
I opened up her dishwasher and all I found was a spoon, a juice glass and all her sex toys.
i am not listening to taylor swift on a pink ipod. totally not happening.
currently shading my boobs to make it look like i have mass cleavage...thanks art school
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
there's chocolate cake in my bathtub.. I don't even want to know how the hell chocolate cake wound up in my tub..
Apparently I used ziplock bags to smuggle my drink out with. By pouring it in one, then cut the corner like it was an icing bag later that night. What is wrong with me?
It's not meant to be. I also just shot a turkey baster of gin into Nate's eye, so....
Yeah I fingered her in the crowd and the dj saw it and gave me props over the speakers. I got so many high fives.
dude, no lie, I would make out with you in front of them wearing nothing but a rainbow colored speedo
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I guess I'm just gonna have to learn to live with the fact that I'm the guy who takes his pants off at the party and tries to start an orgy
If my neighbors have super loud sex again tonight, I'm going to leave a ball-gag and roll of duct tape in their mail slot.
I lost my favorite bra in his hotel room. Is it bad that that's the only reason I hope he texts me tomorrow?
This bird just went for my eyes. Does he think I'm dead???
I woke up an hour ago with orange fingers and a condom stuck to my head.. Wtf just happened?
Most people that see those numbers aren't going to realize what they mean and those that do will think 'oh those must be her favorite hockey players' and not 'oh she wants to see those hockey players fuck each other'.
Randomize