I just saw a commercial that said "call your doctor if erections last more than 4 hours". I said "disgusting" and my mom said "I know, i hate when that happens." Get me out of here.
God I love babysitting. They pay me $10 an hour to watch movies and sext
And then she banged "the first Italian rapper"
After throwing up, the toothpaste tasted so good. Thank you for not letting me eat it.
We interrupt your regularly scheduled Saturday morning programming with this important announcement: you are not the father. I repeat not the father. Congratulations and have a nice day.
Handicvap rails on the toilet atre soooooo fuckin handy right nmow.
The worst thing about it is now I have to find someone else to fuck in the library.
sea world and a strip club? BEST DAY EVER!
You were so drunk last night you thought you force pushed the automatic door open.
The things I do for you. Not that I'm unhappy about it. I'm just saying you should love me.
Did you sleep with him again?
No! I just led him to believe that I would if he gets me booze. Do I have that little class that you have such minimal faith in me?
You what they say. One dick in the hand is better than two in the bush
One day we'll be rich enough to go to rehab. Until then, fuck it.
I swear to god if I see a single piece of genitalia I'm driving back to LI and smacking you back to the Italian Renaissance
Well, I told him that it's not all about him. Then I gave him the best blow-job in the history of blow-jobs.
Every guy I've ever fucked is single right now
Pray for me
Randomize
