Is that you in the white hat?
Fine suit yourself
he just put it in my mouth and said "go"
Turns out, Windex will cut right through semen stains on a computer case.
Yea. You cant just squeeze my balls. They are sensitive
He started to lose his balance halfway through his "commencement speech" at the top of the staircase. The rest is bloody, profanity-laiden history.
Is YOLO really just a socially acceptable way to say you enjoy putting things up your nose?
You were sitting on the filthy kitchen floor eating a packet of grated cheese, and you were crying because you couldn't find any cheese.. I'd say our party was a success.
Drunbk and roasting marshmallows on my stove. Accidentally singed the catr's fur but she'sd alright.
Note to self don't give these guys your number. I've seen more dick tonight than a proctologist sees his whole career
I'm not sure we can use safewords tho. She smokes so much she had to keep asking what the safewords was. Bondage and bongs don't mix
Dude if i sent you a picture of the inside of my fridge would you be able to break down and explain everything that was in it?
I know it sounds all cute and shit that I wanted him to be with me last night, but it's not cute. I just wanted to fuck.
I just came so hard my vision went blurry. I can only hope one day I'll find a man that can accomplish what my left hand does on a tri-daily basis.
Well, I hope you're having fun. I'm just gonna lay here and wait for death - shouldn't be long now.
You kept running around yelling "I need my pajamas" & then you got naked. Shit just went downhill from there.
Randomize
