Oww! U thought rug burn was bad! Fuckin carseat burn hurts like a mother!!!
Wtf?
Use the slutty part of ur brain.
tonight i'm making a christmas tree shaped shot pyramid
i need you to recap everything for me beyond "i think i'm gonna try vodka-pong"
there's chicken and sequins in our bathroom sink. part of me almost wants to know what happened
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I crashed her parents' car cause she was giving me road head. Its probably best to just let them think I'm a bad driver.
He was taking the caps off the vodka bottles and throwing them out the window so we'd have to finish them. Engineers have the best logic.
He suggested abortion before I finished the sentence. That was my plan too, but now I feel like should keep it just to prove how big of a dick he is.
Im trying to find an appropriate gift to your mom for getting both you and your sister on birth control within a week, any suggestions?
I took my exam the next day still drunk and failed, but I kno for a fact that I filled in the bubbles for my name perfectly
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Lesson of the night: never take shots out of a bottle you found under a couch in a frat house. I have no idea where I am
I want "hickeys on my ass" sex
it took us a while to figure out sex on a tire swing, buuuuuuuut MISSION ACCOMPLISHED
He said he "doesnt care at all, really" if I shave my legs or not. Challenge accepted.
I need to show you how I feel about you by fucking you repeatedly.
what happened last night?!
you took a shot and then laid down on our kitchen table and passed out.. then when we tried to move you to the couch you screamed "no! i love tables"
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