Nah got too drunk to function...probably could have dragged something home over my shoulder if the cops didn't roll
Well, what part of "I've heard she has crabs" didn't you take into consideration?
Lots of explosions. Minor nudity. Full penetration and lots of tuxedos.
He said if I stayed the night he'd take me to church in the morning.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
moving back to school this early was a terrible idea we already used up our bail fund
Literally lying on a futon being hand fed bacon
Fuck you.
He literally chugged a bottle of wine in under 2 minutes. Stood up, said "fuck what ya heard" and stabbed the bottle into their drywall.
Ahh good point. I got some interesting mental pics and I'm slowly entering a "fuck it, lets do weird shit" phase sexually, but you may have already figured that out since I've been fucking you sideways and upside down a lot lately.
i may or may not be making depth charges with cough syrup. i'll call you if i survive.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He compared my blow job skills to finding gold treasure in a gold chest, so there's that.
She says the reason I don't talk to her is because I'm "emotionally lazy" what ever that means
That dick was not the dick of a twenty year old
I feel like my foot is being amputated. Or maybe it's the vodka. I couldn't tell you.
he invited me over. we listened to jazz, smoked weed, then cerebrally fucked each other over a three hour game of chess
At some point you said you just wanted to get laid, so we had a moment of silence for your dead sex life...
Randomize