im orety awesome arent i? relly i know i am
3am cut off hipster s***'s afro on porch. Opened champagne. Felt like delilah cutting off samson's hair. Then shower & anal. So I guess his powers are intact.
Dude, she literally stopped, mid fuck said "I want soup" got off my dick and make top ramen.
On that note; HAPPY 21: THE SEQUEL from the back of an ambulance!!
Apparently there was a point in the night that they literally thought he was dead, ass naked on the floor. That bad.
I knew he cared when I got his text "happy birthday to the girl who gives phenomenal head"
Just found a peacock feather in my car. Should I be the least bit concerned about this?
Just thought you should know that we coat checked our fairy wings last night. Getting belly up to the bar was way more important that wearing our costumes.
I'm still not sure if it was intentional, but the chiropractor definitely cradled his balls on my shoulder. He even seemed to adjust the sack for comfort. I think I should be flattered. He is a doctor, after all..
we got kicked out of her coke dealer's house when we wouldn't stop quoting "a league of their own"
communist
Oh my god, it's like someone broke the off button in my butthole
A party without a piñata is not a party I want to attend.
I just matched with a taco on tinder. Dreams come true.
Don't worry I sent a creepy stalker message to a guy I slept with 6 years ago, Sunday Funday rock bottom
So chicken strips and confidence do not you make you sober.
Randomize
