yup put them legs up on your shoulders and eat her like some folgers
eat her like coffee?
please come you make the beer taste better
his electricity got shut off. i felt like a pilgrim searching for his dick.
I'm at the cafe. It's 7am. There is a girl I don't know on my futon who tried to tickle me this morning when I got down from my loft. I also not wearing any underwear.
as soon as I walked into work this morning, my boss called me out on my hangover, patted me on the back and said I'm getting time an a half for even showing up. Did I really look that bad this morning?
Best part of being a cop: When I showed up at Thanksgiving with stitches in my head I could tell them I was "protecting and serving" not "drinking and falling down". Career validated.
I am here to underwhelm you with my vagina
We have a bucket list tonight. Not done yet. Gotta climb a building
Its like bringing all that milkshake to the yard and I'm a diabetic and can't have any
I HAVE A GENTLEMANLY VAGINA.
My grandpa is driving me to get condoms and wine. This is adulthood.
And now I'm taking a break sitting on the bathroom floor thanking god that people who eat at subway are either too classy to piss on the floor, or are still relatively sober enough to not piss on the floor before 5pm.
Bill says he deeply regrets the incident with the soda bottle
If y'all wanna know how far the apple fell from the tree I'm sexting during Easter service. Mom would be so proud 😳
Text me some of your sweat
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