did you hook up austin?
No! he threw up in my bathroom, made me wake up and order him jimmy johns, beat my roommate with a macaroni and cheese box, and then passed out with her in her bed
I'll tell you what, we couldn't have asked for better binge-drinking weather.
Apparently one comment in my womens studies class cockblocks yourself for an entire semester.
I don't think he realizes it but he was stroking the faucet while he was talking to me.
Talk me down man. Writing a paper drunk and about to buy Celine Dion's greatest hits.
We're the only two others left at work. My internal monologue is going: TAKE ME. TAKE ME NOWW. ON THE COUNTER. IN FRONT OF THE MANAGER. JUST TAKE MEEE
she gave me her number. found out it was already stored in my phone as "bathroom blowjob"
So essentially hes paying me $150k/year for the rest of his career to not have sex
SERIOUSLY? WTF! why cant I find a super hot, super gay, super conservative christian NFL player in need of a beard?
He won't let me go to the bars unless I can manage to get flip flops on.
Sounds like he's doing this for your own good...
At some point, it turned less into sparring and more into tough guy dry humping.
You screamed at oncoming traffic , "five dollars to punch this guy in taint!".
I think I'm just going to get a farm, a vibrater, and a lot of wine.
Stop making fun of my hookups!
Stop getting hookups that I can make fun of!
Do you know how hard it is to have sex on an air matress while there are people sleeping in the same room?!?!?
Why is there an inflatable flamingo in the backseat of my car?
Randomize
