We are allowed to think Jacob from Twilight is hot in 468 days!
I don't know what is sadder, the fact that you figured that out or the fact that I can't wait until then!!
There's an old bald Japanese dude on the metra next to me. He's drinking MGD on a crowded train, and rocking out way too hard to what may be the same Dallas Green song I'm listening to. Life is sweet.
if she leaves who will i have to secretly talk about behind thier back
But I thought everyone had breakup sex?
These 19 People Are Into The Grossest Sex Fetishes
You suck. You're fired. I need to find a less reasonable voice-of-reason.
may have given a homeless man 70 dollars in exchange for his sandals. so yea, i'm going as jesus for next halloween.
It was fine until he came back to my place, grabbed a beer, HIGH-FIVED me, and left.
Can I bring some rope too? It's not too early for bondage talk, is it?
Did you send me a snapchat of your sister triple kissing two other girls?!!! You might be the greatest friend the world ever made
People Weigh In On Whether It’s Okay to Bang Your Roommate
Jesus, I think this onesie was designed to keep me from masturbating.
Talking to him sober hurts my brain
it went well until I said "me" instead of "my" and he kept sexting me in character as a pirate
What the fuck i just wanna eat my froot loops and sext in peace. Y'all motherfuckers gotta be loud as shit and break my concentration
Let it be known that on this day, the 26th of October, in the year 2016, I successfully put both of his balls in my mouth at once.
It's really hard to tweet with a pussy in your face demanding attention.