dude just tell them you don't wear clothes. they'll understand
My Nuvaring birth control makes me queef.
just fed a duck at the lake a weed brownie. it hasnt moved in 20 minutes.
Yeah, clearly. And then we can float around my room on Christmas themed inner tubes. And drink, I guess.
21 Ladies Confess The Grossest Things They Do When No One’s Around
She wants to fuck me. On a tennis court. In her tennis outfit. Is ring-shopping an acceptable 3rd date activity?
Excellent idea. Nothing says "congrats for resurrecting yourself, Jesus" like Greygoose at noon!
YOU COME FROM SAD WHALE FAMILY, DEEP IN OCEAN!
She got the hiccups while deep throating me. It was epic. Once in a lifetime experience.
A drank guy in the ER just sang Trouble to me and when he sang 'Lying on the cold hard ground' he threw himself onto the ground and landed on the wrist he'd just broken. Thirsty Thursday is weird already and it's not even 5.
23 Tweets I Thought Were Really Funny When I Was Drunk Yesterday
I discovered a new stretch mark. DONE. LITERALLY DONE.
Being in the club with your moms drunk friends > having a healthy relationship with your mom
You can't break up with me. I brought you to see Beyoncé.
Mixing Powerade and white wine has been one of my better ideas.
I think I'm actually too depressed to do drugs, wow.
Left my house last night with a girlfriend, $200 in my wallet, and 10 finger nails. Came home with no girlfriend, an empty wallet, and 9 1/2 finger nails.
Yea, I had a bad night too aha