when i woke up i was missing $380 from my bank account
damn...impressive bar tab
no i guess i bought a gasoline powered blender off ebay, i need a breathalyzer for my computer
I pretty much gave up on you when you told me you couldn't go home yet b/c you had to stop at church first. It was 2 AM and you insisted you were late for mass.
Don't forget your talking to the guy who got arrested for throwing beads back at the Mardi Gras floats. You can't deny that's a first, and neither could that cop.
i know im back at school when i can poke any random spot on my body and expect a 80% chance that theres a bruise there
29 “I’m Getting Old” Moments
Also, my phone autocorrects ENABLER to all caps. I think I drunk text the word too often.
I'm so sick
I would imagine. You did most of your drinking for brazil last night.
That and I think I got food poisoning from sharing nachos with that homeless guy..
I'm currently looking on facebook to see how slutty the girls from my kindergarden class are now. I have a problem.
Why were you eating a hot dog in the bathroom at 230 am?
My roommate was sleeping, I thought it would be rude
We just had a 30 min argument on the actual birth date of Jesus, it ended in my brother and ain't cursing each other and an 8 yr old answering it by using Siri.
19 Worst Song Lyrics of All Time
I remember looking at his body and thinking wow you have a body sculpted by Jesus himself. Still not sure if I said that out loud or not
There is someone out there for you right now. And we will find her. Or him. Her. Her, we'll start with tits.
I know but at least you've never been asked to have sex dressed up like Catwoman
She ordered an O'douls. That was the end of that date
Just took physics exam. I think this is one of those 'chuck it in the fuck-it bucket and become an art major' days
And here I thought that was one nut sack too many