I'm afraid my bank account can't handle syllabus week.
I was doing the dishes wondering what was with all the tiny little cups, but then I remembered that some people drink things other than huge mixed drinks and big cups of water the next day.
"Whiskey Cheerios" was a terribly great idea.
he seriously made his penis a facebook.
Why the fuck is the royal wedding at 4am. That is obviously not the most appropriate time to drink during finals. It's like I'm bound to fail, by royal decree.
Well, when he's back from China he's probably gonna be pissed I used the spare key he gave me to prove to everyone I'm fucking an NBA player. We took all his booze too.
So I ripped my crotchless fishnet body suit when my drunk ass tried to crawl through the crotch to put it on.
Fucken Tweens. They smelled like cotton candy and hand jobs my nostrils were offended.
I am still sore from last night. I can't wait for you to meet my parents.
He held back my hair as I puked, then kindly asked me to slightly move my head over and pissed right next to my face.
there is vomit in the pocket of my dress coat. i remember thinking "this is a weird place to puke" at some point in the evening, but i dont understand how i did this.
Apparently "I licked it so now it's mine" doesn't apply to people
You having your own car has severely reduced the amount of blowjobs I get.
just woke up on my patio with a mouse eating cheetos off mys chest. youre all assholes.
Also day 6: dick is healed and ready to go back to work.