I might come over and watch a movie but I can't spend the night. my parents would wonder where i was
you're 26.
You wanna call me after your homoerotic shower?
There were 3 chicks in my bed I didn't know when I got home. Now I know all of them. Biblically.
He just became a fan of Chelsea Handler on Facebook. WHY DO I ALWAYS PICK THE GAY ONE
Homegirl just dropped a candle on the floor major party foul. Thought it make you feel better.
Thanks for having 911 ready when I jumped off the balcony
He asked me if we could throw a lingerie party together so I guess he's single again
We found her on the trampoline. She told us she was jumping so she could puke & rally. I think I want to marry her.
Dude. This guy has a ketchup bottle full of jello shots. Best. Thing. Ever.
Come find me, I'm the girl sitting alone in taco bell at 9 in the morning drinking concealed beer with a straw
Sincerely would love to tap that, on a mountain with the wind blowing on your pubes .
Something about getting whistled at in my work clothes while crossing the street with three Nuvarings in my back pocket feels wrong.
They want yo temporarily sterile ass.
Get the cougar, get the cougar, get the cougar. Act like an injured baby deer. She will either eat you alive or nurse you back to health either way its still sex.
Today is all about not throwing up, where the fuck are my keys and does anyone know what happened to that guy in the panda suit my roommate had sex with last night.
Pretty sure I'm partying in a onesie right now.
Randomize
