well if you came here i would keep you awake :*
did you just kiss me??? ... dude, im not gay
I left my Thanksgiving family dinner puking in my hands from the worst hangover in the world
I went to grab his drink and my hand grazed his dick. It was magical.
just remembered spooning on the cardboard and confessing to each other we had the spins.
Nothing like pulling a bottle of vodka out of your purse at 7am in the security line to make your fellow passengers uncomfortable...
I'm drunk in a place called Lick-A-Chick. PS. It's not a lesbian hot spot, they sell chicken.
it's ok my mom asked me why i had a guys shirt on and also why there was chocolate all over my bra
I know what you meant. If you want babies in time for your birthday, we gonna need either a time machine or a ski mask.
I didn't know what to do so I panicked and puked in my pillowcase with my pillow still inside.
She knew the head wasn't all that so she gave me her taco. I'm will in to give her a second chance.
I really don't know where my pants are, but that's not the problem. When are you going to unlock the door?
Why do I have this feeling like this is heading in a slightly threesome-y direction
He took my Spanx off and still fucked me twice. I call that success.
His mom showed up at my doorstep, begging me to take him back for him
Where do you find these people?
It was all going good until I realized she was wearing underwear with a butt flap. Mission aborted.
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